ugh.

today wasn't a good day. not terrible, just not wonderful. I managed to legitimently fall asleep and dream in every one of my classes today. I don't know why, I got plenty of sleep. I get plenty of sleep. but lately it's been harder just to sum up enough energy to stay awake for a whole class period.

maybe I needed it tho. just a day to put my noise supressing earbuds to good use and get lost in the music and feel like I'm the only one in the room.

I really hate school. it ruins me. I am convinced that I would be 100% happier, healthier, more energetic person if it isn't exist. I hate the pressure, I hate how the people are, I hate how the adminitraters are, I hate the food, I hate the smell, I hate the atmosphere, I hate the work, I hate the music they play in the hallways, I hate how rude everybody is, I hate the monotony. I. HATE. SCHOOL. it just makes me feel so akward. I feel like I don't belong.

maybe it's a good thing tho. maybe if I didn't feel that then I would be just another kid. and I would wear ed hardy and polos and get shitfaced every weekend and wear my hat backwards and keep the dumb little sticker on it and drive a charger. and grow up to be just another guy and go to college and maybe have a family and do absolutely nothing to benefit the succession of mankind except reproduce and change oxygen into carbon dioxide.

that's why college scares me. i dont wanna fall in line. I don't wanna end up like just some asshole uptight father who does nothing but sit behind a computer all day and come home to a shit family who hates me because I'm an uptight asshole of a father.

but who am I kidding. I would never let myself end up like that. I'm too much of a thinker, I'm too stubborn. uptight people don't think about things, other than how it will benefit themselves. I will not end up like that. I refuse. but what do I have going for me? my whole childhood I've dreamt of becoming the next big rockstar, and be the band I've always wanted to see. I wanna be so filthy fucking rich that I can pay for every place in the world that doesbt have water to never be thirsty again (which is estimated to take only $10 billion), or take a homless guy shopping or something crazy awsome like that. I wanna be the best father I can to my children and live in an average home even though I'm a billionaire. I wanna change the face of the entertainment buisiness with only the songs I write, or just the words I say. I wanna change peoples lives.

but what if I never get my big break?

but I have too. I know what it takes. I have everything I need; the talent, the supportive parents, other likeminded musicians, a very supportive church. this is America for christ's sake, I'll be whoever the hell I wanna be.