balance.

why am I always seeking an excuse.

an excuse for my behavior, the way I think, the way I feel.

I am at a constant battle with my own intuition. "well if he's doing it, why can't I? but I shouldn't think like that, bad things come from thinking like that."

I am constantly thinking. I regularly get chastised for supposedly refusing to do my work. I never realize when I start to daydream. it's like how I tap on everything like it's a drum, I just do it subconsciencely.

whenever I talk, I always try to say things as fast as I think them, so I either slur all my words or mix them up or stutter or whatever. or when I'm playing drums, when I try to do a fill I think too much about it and second guess myself at the last minute and I either just freeze like a computer or drop a stick.

or both sticks.

i dont need sympathy. I don't need to hear how cute it is, or how great of a person I am otherwise.

or do I.