...I become the type of guy who chooses not to fight back only to go home and hurry to my computer and let all my emotions out on my blog that no one reads.
oh wait.
*********************************************
I think problem is that I'm always in the middle.
I'm not the kid who has to buy big shiny rims for my chevy avalanche, but I'm not the kid who smokes and survives off of drug money because my criminal record prohibits me from getting a job.
I'm not an outstanding thinking mind, but I am not an idiot.
I am not a brilliant songwriter, but I am not just the average guitar player who thinks that being able to play every single zeppelin hit is all that it takes to make it anywhere in the music business.
i'm not excessively mature for my age, but I've certainly outgrown middle school.
I am not a straight-a NHS poster child who devotes their existence (or is otherwise forced) to taking as many ap classes as possible, but Ive never really ever failed a class.
I listen to underoath and ftsk, but I love the shins and the american analog set.
I'm not the life of the party, but (I would hope) I'm not the most dull person you ever met.
statiscally, I am average. I'm just always in between. I don't stand out, but I don't fit in.
I've never fit in.
maybe that's what my problem is; I've never really fit in anywhere. even in music, pretty much the thing I value most in my life. I can write a song, or come up with something on GarageBand or whatever, but it wouldn't fit in with anything you would hear while browsing deep v-necks at urban outfitters or anything worth reading about in AP.
or maybe my problem is that I try to hard to base myself on those limited extremes. I'm too partial to both sides of the spectrum, I often have trouble finding a balance. I try too hard to make a song or draw something or edit a picture or whatever that fits in with both the playlist at hot topic and american apparel or looks good as both *insert random indie band's name reguarding some sort of woodland creature here*'s new tour poster or *insert random band on warped tour this year*'s cd cover.
no, that's my problem. I'm a hypocrite. I am too quick to point out how people base themselves on someone elses standard of cool when in reality, that's what I do. I set myself up for failure. I give myself standards of thinking, acting, saying, doing, whatever, all based on what someone else has done before, but expect originality from myself. like when I write a song, for example, I try to put way too much into it. it's gotta be extremely creative, it can't sound too much like anything you'd hear on 102.1, it can't sound like all time low's next single, everything has to be perfect and meaningful and it has to pay respects to original punk as well as coldplay and the cure and collective soul and blind melon and fugazi and quicksand and pink floyd and hendrix and CCR and the who etc etc etc etc. I strive for this perfect song, I set all the boundries up and try to force what I'm creating through this perfect little mold, and I often loose the point. like when Im stuck writing that damn essay for the TAKS test. I almost always have trouble writing even the first sentence, just because I get too caught up in planning out the perfect thing to say and how to make it all flow together and get everything I wanna say into this paper without leaving anything out. and I spend hours staring at the blank lines on this god forsaken answer document that has claimed so much of my limited mental capacity expecting myself to wrote this outstanding, brilliantly thought out and worded short story about "what success means to me". what this has to do with my daily life I'm not sure at this point, but it made sense in my head before I typed it.
I've always expected the most top notch artistry and creativity from myself, because that's how I define myself.
but why?
*********************************************
you know, you'd think that as upcomming juniors in highschool we'd grow out of yelling abnoxious, not to mention irrelavent insults across the room in a public place and then proceed to hide our face in menu like eleven year olds, right?
well I did too.
it's unbelievable to me how someone can be that low; that desperate for attention; that unsatisfied with their life that they have to call other people out, in the middle of ihop, for random stupid things, such as their choice of size pants for that day or anything that they happen to overhear in conversation and replace certain nouns with assorted words including "dicks", "vaginas", or "scene-fags".
seriously guys, #1: get your sterotypes right. #2: knowingly acting like you're still in sixth grade, especially using that mindset to attempt to be an asshole, is not cool anymore.
and what else is it gonna take to knock some fucking sense into you? friends suspended? nope. friend in jail? no.
friend dead? apparently not.
if your parents have to take you out to eat with your little sister because the only money you have is drug money because you can't get a job because you have an outstanding criminal record, then you have no room to call anyone else out. just because you're going absolutley nowhere doesn't mean you can pull other innocent people down with you, for the sake of attention. in an ihop.
sit the fuck down, I dare you to lay a finger on me.
i like this, a lot
ReplyDelete